matchstickmolly asked: I just ordered "Room" from Amazon for Saturday delivery. THAT'S how cool I think you are.
OH MY GOD. How seriously have you considered joining Goodreads, so that we can maintain a proper, American friendship? You might love “Room.” When you finish, please tell me:
1. How fast you read it
2. How much you loved it
3. How much time you spend google-ing child abduction cases after you finished
4. How likely it is for us to start a mother/daughter bookclub with our baby when she’s old enough to read (age 18 months, obvi)
I also want to be the first to tell you that Kansas City is kind of great. I recommend defriending all the people that were talking shit about it. While I agree that it’s no Colorado, I maintain my position that it’s adorable and there are a million things to do on the weekends (mainly distribute my phone number to eligible and ineligible bachelors).
So, I think the next step in this (or any) long distance friendship is to become sticker pen pals. I send you stickers. You send me stickers. Everyone’s happy.
matchstickmolly asked: Rah I love you! No, I completely agree with you. I took it down because you raised some great points and are not the first person to bring those points up. I also wrote something about it. Checkkk it out. I have to run right now, but at a glance I am loving your blog and might come back tonight and eat it for dinner. xoxo Molly.
Did we just become best friends? Yup. Thank you, Jesus.
But I want you to know that you’re probably right about aspartame. In like 20 years, I’m pretty sure science will agree that non-nutritive sweeteners are causing cancer, bitches, and The Real Housewives of New Jersey marathons. But until then? Team Melissa.
Anyway, I’m super impressed that you updated your post on sweeteners, and my self-esteem has sky-rocketed. Tonight, I’ve been roaming the streets of Kansas City on my segway, chanting “U.S.A.” to celebrate. I’ve been met with some resistance downtown, but I will press on for the sake of this blessed country.
So, let me know if you ever want to collaborate on anything nutrition/exercise-related. Or if you want to adopt a child and move to Kansas City, where we will raise our baby with love, breastmilk, and the joy of Pottery Barn. But no pressure, of course. I will think you’re the shit either way.
How to Read “The Lord of the Rings” If You Have Lady Parts
1. Skip all songs and poetry. What are you, a leprechaun?
2. Balance the book on the elliptical machine during your daily workouts. It is a known fact that women who read this series (in combination with a regular exercise regime, of course) get free dinner dates at Carrabba’s.
3. Start mowing the lawn. Embrace your masculinity.
4. Listen to Beyonce’s “I Am…Sasha Fierce” during reading sessions. Consider the idea that the fellowship’s lack of knowledge about divas turned what could’ve been a short story into a full trilogy (Divas are the female version of hustlers, you know).
5. Kick people. You’ll want to incorporate aggressive confrontations into your daily life.
6. Google-image the word “Aragorn” when he gets too intense. Stare into Viggo’s blue eyes to forget about his character’s personality.
7. Organize weekly meetings with your girlfriends to discuss the unimportance of rings. The characters overemphasize jewelry in this series.
8. Learn to use a bow and arrow. It will come in handy when you’re trying to impress Orlando Bloom at award shows (Love letters aren’t effective when you’re competing with Miranda Kerr).
9. Climb rocks, even when stairs are a choice. Empathy is important.
10. Read Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman” daily. Try to remember that your gender is probably phenomenal and maybe even superior.
Kanrocksas > Melissa Gorga
Please don’t hurt me. I recently heard some followers say this blog (http://www.theloevshack.blogspot.com) serves as their “mandatory morning cup of coffee.”1 So, I recognize that my absence has probably kept some of us under the covers in a state of clinical depression. Know that I have a pretty good excuse for my lack of diary-ing.
Here’s what I was doing while you were watching Real Housewives of New Jersey reruns with a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a box of tissues: I made a quick trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics and Dick’s Sporting Goods for some gauze, blankets, and rope. Then, I picked up Kid Cudi from the airport, and we’ve spent the last 10 days getting in touch with our inner lemur. Here’s what it looked like:
Fine. I lied. I’ve spent the last couple weeks wrapping up a bunch of work for my summer internship. Happy? To celebrate this summer (and America), I also spent two full days at the Kansas City Speedway, where I feasted on the musical talents of the following artists:
And, this is where Kid Cudi and I finally made our dating relationship public. Still a lie.
1Not true.
Book Review: Room
Room
By: Emma Donoghue
Let me start by saying that this is one of the best books that I have ever read. I refuse to ruin your reading experience by revealing any details from the storyline. Just get online, and buy the book immediately. Call me after you finish it-you’ll zip through it in less than 24 hours-and we’ll discuss character development, writing style, social implications, and the reasons why moms are the best. Ready, set, go.
How I’m Spending Eternity
The refrigerator of my dreams (but with more cheese and local produce, of course):
Heaven’s refrigerators look like this. I’m sure of it.
A Plain Face
“to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.”
-Ellen Bass
Nerd Alert
Warning: This post is about to get pretty nerdy. Here is an updated list of things that would make my fingers tingle with delight:
1. A red BookBook case for my Macbook Pro. Sigh.
2. An Anne of Green Gables poster with all 28 chapters typed out for the world to see.
3. A visit to the cutest library in Kansas City.
4. A Ruby Red Slippers bookmark. I’d need at least 6 slippers to track my progress in the small stack of books beside my bed.
5. A book bed. Why are the models so young? I’d sleep in that thing every night if God let me.
A Smear of Time
“In the world I notice persons are nearly always stressed and have no time…I don’t know how persons with jobs do the jobs and all the living as well…I guess the time gets spread very thin like butter all over the world, the roads and houses and playgrounds and stores, so there’s only a little smear of time on each place, then everyone has to hurry on to the next bit.”
-Emma Donoghue, Room
Let’s stop smearing our time like butter and get our relaxation on. This summer is almost over, so we better plan that tropical vaca like now.
